Echos of Existence



update year nine...x2...

To remember what I started a cycle ago...my current pursuits linger in my chest as pressure rises from falling grades.  

I'm treated like a homeless transient, although with the flare of fame...internet fame.  

My guitar sits in the 50 year old boat i purchased with student loans. 

 I type this in a VA Homeless shelter. 

 I could walk away...I thought I could make a way...I start to fall to the memories of where it started, depressed, repressed, I wonder to and fro through the chambers of my memories. 

    I start to blame the ones obvious. The life partners I chose to share breath with, that gets me no where, as it always revolves around personal choice to stay, to share, to open that channel. When I remember the life I use to have, the pleasantness around each share, the way the sun shone on all those days...beautiful, until one event...even that...

     2005...in a strange land, i only partial "knew" from a couple years of high school. 

    Until 2005. From then on its been so strange....

    20 years....plus one...cycle....

one cycle...I chose guitar. 2 cycles, my life changed, without me grasping yet.

I sit and wait for the killer to strike, my gut turning with every churn of shame.

I let my family down, then let a family clown.

they romanticize it,  they monetize, capitalized with our human condition least prioritized in realization to happiness.

 Unless of course, existence of happiness is the demise and fall of another's.  Ahem, insecurity?


 

Location: Eureka, CA, USA

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